Because this is me, saying words I actually mean.
I won't compromise this thing just to make it.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The View From Here's Getting Better With You By My Side

I had a whole write up of my memorable weekend typed up: play by play of each day and what I did and who I spent it with, and what I ate, drank, everything. And you know me....purposely just deleted it. Because I think I wanna keep those things to myself. This isn't a blog about how that stuff. I could write it up, but it's not as important about what I geniuenly got out of this weekend...which is acceptance, growth, and happiness.

I'll touch upon one moment. As I stood on a rock on Sunday, overlooking the ocean at sunset, with a man below me just standing out looking towards the water as well, it occurred to me. This man...who means more to me than I can even begin to type...never knew the old me. He didn't see me at my rock bottom, he never witnessed first hand how miserable I was in my own skin and just how much pain I was in.. I stood there by the water, taking in everything I could, breathing deep and had a moment of pure relaxation and clarity. I have come a long way. It made me really happy. And I don't say that too often. :)

I decided to forgo the gym today and take advantage of the beautiful weather we've (finally) been having and went for a run outside. I have HUGE hesitations about running in my town because someone is bound to see me and I find that just awkward and weird. But I swallowed my pride, and when I got to the top of my street I took off. I ran the beach back and forth and took some back roads back to my house and was a sweaty mess but it was actually kinda fun? i didn't run the whole way but I definitely pushed myself.

The idea of OA is still lingering in the back of my mind. I looked up meetings today online and coindenisely there was one going on in my town tonight but I vetoed that immediately. If I decide to do it I want to be someplace else where I really feel safe. So that will be on hold for now. I did though, listen to a podcast from an OA meeting and although it wasn't awful, it wasn't great. I know every meeting is different, so I'm keeping an open mind.

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