Because this is me, saying words I actually mean.
I won't compromise this thing just to make it.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

"If you keep looking at the won't end"

Wise words said to me from a coworker a few weeks back. I've been gaining and loosing the same goddamn 6 pounds for about a month. I'll loose it, feel good about loosing it, relax and breathe for a little, and then it says "ohh missed me? I'll come back!" and throws a big fuck youuu to me. I know that when I loose it, I of course feel better and feel like I'm in a much better place..and that's my problem. There should be minimal or no wiggle room when it comes to this stuff. But then the other part of me thinks...okay you're not going to be doing this forever, there's going to be a time where you're just maintaining, so you need to start being okay with it now. and then the 6 comes back. see my dilemma?
This is coming at such a crucial time for me too. I've talked about the mental thing in the past posts...but this mental? Am I afraid of hitting that 100 and am subconsciously sabotaging myself every time i start to get close? What's going to happen when I get there..i will get there, but what is it going to take for me to stay motivated enough until it does? I was so much more focused months back. I need to figure out what changed.

Not to say that I'm sitting here like a sad panda. I'm not! On a random whim I dyed my hair last night. Cut it too. I didn't think I was going to like it...but it's sort of growing on me now.

"another chance to turn it all around. and do not save this for tomorrow; embrace the past and you can live for now"

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