Because this is me, saying words I actually mean.
I won't compromise this thing just to make it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Mama said there'd be days like this.....

Things are not where I want them to be.

I've gained 7lbs in two weeks. 7. Seven. SEVEN. How does that happen when you go to the gym everyday. And no, it's not muscle. It's seven pounds of fat. I fail at everything else, why not fail at this too.

I'm really not feeling great about myself the past couple weeks. I know the weekends have been rough, but not seven pounds in two weeks rough. That really does not make sense given my weekdays eating and gym everyday.

The word frustrated doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling right now. Worthless. Useless. Annoyed. Disappointed. Hungry.

On top of it, yes I got my period so I don't feel like a complete crazy mess and maybe some of these feelings can be hormonally validated. But I'm also sick. Been in bed all day. Achy, sore throat, and dizzy. I've been completely disconnected from everyone all week.

So, this is me getting what I deserve. I brought these seven pounds upon myself. I need to just accept it. You would think I'd try to find a way to make this more positive like "now I'm motivated to get back into the game, take responsibility for what happened, move forward and make changes!!"

Nope. Not motivated in the slightest right now. Actually...this whole thing just makes me want to get in bed, cry, eat, and eat more until I can't think because I'm so full. At least then I won't have to listen to my own thoughts. I'm already feeling disgusting the past few weeks, why not? At least I'll be eating yumnmy food that will temporarily make me feel better ;)

Someone please check in on me soon. I'm drowning and don't know how to get out of this.

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